


In All My Lifetimes, I am Yours

by ShittyFlangstWriter



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Heavy Angst, M/M, Sick Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-03
Updated: 2020-11-03
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:47:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27371416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShittyFlangstWriter/pseuds/ShittyFlangstWriter
Summary: A broken promise entails guilt and a broken heart.
Relationships: Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi, Miya Osamu/Suna Rintarou
Comments: 8
Kudos: 61





	In All My Lifetimes, I am Yours

**Author's Note:**

> Wrote this.
> 
> Cried to myself at 3 am.
> 
> Enjoy.

“Yer goin’ out again?” Atsumu called from the kitchen as he was drying the dishes he had just finished washing.

“Yeah, bye.” Kiyoomi said planting a kiss on his cheek.

“Are ya comin’ home tonight then?”

“Probably not, it’s not everyday this friend of mine and Wakatoshi are in Japan at the same time.” Kiyoomi said as he was tying his shoes.

“Oh. Omi…” Kiyoomi looked at him questioningly.

“Nothin’, take care of yerself, ‘kay?” Atsumu muttered instead.

“I will, I guess?”

Kiyoomi opens the door and shuts it leaving Atsumu alone in the apartment for what was the third time this week, and it wasn’t even Friday yet. He knew that he should be considerate, but he can’t help but miss his boyfriend sometimes.

“Happy anniversary.” Atsumu whispered to himself as he feels wetness on his face.

It was then that the door to the apartment opened revealing Osamu.

“Hey, I brought over some thin’s that…” He pauses when he sees the state his brother is in.

“What did that fucker do now?” He growled out when he was within arms-length of his twin.

Atsumu shook his head and told the other to leave it at that. That there will always be next year for them to celebrate. That Kiyoomi’s friend came home and Atsumu can still have him tomorrow. That it wasn’t too bad. That it didn’t hurt. That Atsumu wasn’t crying and that he just had something in his eyes.

================

_Omiiii :3_

_> >> I’ll be going out tonight, Atsu. Don’t wait up for me_

_I miss ya Omiiiiiiiiii…. Come home please??? :(((((( <<<_

_> >> This again? I’ll deal with you when I get back_

_> >> Bye._

_Okay. <<<_

Kiyoomi forgot his birthday. Just like he had with their anniversary. Just like he had with Atsumu’s favorite food. Just like he had with his body wash. Just like he had forgotten to say he loves him.

Atsumu wondered when it became like this. He knew that their love was unconventional. He knew that they fought more than anyone knew. He also knew that it was only a matter of time. He thought back then that they could do it. Kiyoomi’s promises could only make him believe such. He thought that despite their differences and clashing similarities, they would make it through. He didn’t think he’d be here, two years after he was finally able to call Kiyoomi his, pining as if they were never a couple in the first place.

He hated that he had to compete with other people for his boyfriend’s attention. He hated that he was starting to doubt Kiyoomi’s promises. He hated that he could feel that he wasn’t enough for his boyfriend anymore. He hated that he knew their relationship was ending. He hated that he knew there was nothing he can do to stop it.

================

“Omi, I’m goin’ fer my check-up. I’ll be back later.” Atsumu called out to his boyfriend.

“I thought you missed me?”

“Yeah, I do, but I really hav’ta go now cause we’re going to home to mom and dad next week.” Atsumu said.

“Alright then. Bye. See you later.” Kiyoomi said giving Atsumu a kiss on his forehead.

“Mm. Love ya Omi.” Atsumu said.

He tried to ignore the pain in his chest when Kiyoomi merely nodded and never returned the sentiment. Even as he was tying his shoes, even as he called out that he’d be leaving. Kiyoomi said nothing.

Going to the doctor’s has been a monthly occurrence for him, he was advised to do so when he started playing professionally. The doctor he had been seeing the same one he had since he was a teenager and was well acquainted with him now. His name was Matsuda Leo, a middle aged half-Japanese doctor specializing in neurosurgery and physical therapy. Atsumu, for the life of him didn't know how he ended up specializing in two entirely different fields, but he shrugs it off deeming it as information not worth digging into since he gets his treatment either way.

“Mornin’ Matsu-san!” he said as he entered the office.

“Atsumu.” The doctor said gravely.

“Hey, what’s up with ya huh? Ya not happy to see me?”

“I have something very important to discuss with you.”

“Aw, straight to the point eh? Alright lay it down on me, I swear I’m not procrastinatin’ on yer muscle exercises.” Atsumu said defensively.

“This isn’t about that, Atsumu. I think we should proceed with your regular tests first.”

“Oh? Okay then.” He said as the doctor wraps the blood pressure monitor around his forearm.

“I suggest you call someone for what I’m about to talk to you about. Your brother maybe?” Leo said as he noted the data into a note pad to evaluate later.

“Oh? Yer scarin’ me doc, but alright.” Atsumu called Osamu to come down to the hospital after he got his blood sample taken.

He waited anxiously as Leo performed the blood tests. After around five minutes, just as Leo sat back down on his chair, holding what appears to be an MRI scan and the blood test results, the door opened and Osamu went inside.

“What’s this about? Ya never ask me to come here with ya.” Osamu said taking a seat beside him.

“Yes. There are just some things that I wish to talk to you about. I would prefer if Atsumu were alone, but I think it would be better if you were with him, Osamu.”

“Yer scarin’ me doc, ye’ve been cryptic since I came into the room. I also don’t like what yer holdin’ there.” Atsumu said nodding to the direction of the MRI scan.

“You recall that you had an MRI scan a few days ago, right, Atsumu?” Leo said instead.

“What about it doc?”

“There…” he pauses.

“There seems to be something. Something that I have found incredibly worrying.” The doctor continues.

“Rip the band aid off doc. Ya know I’m not that fragile.”

“You have stage four brain cancer. I found from the MRI I took when you went to me because of frequent headaches. I’m sorry Atsumu, but that was the reason why the headaches have been happening.”

“Doc, ya shouldn’t really joke like that.” Atsumu said, his voice trembling.

“Yeah, doc. ‘s not really nice to do this to yer patients right? What is it, really?” Osamu said carefully.

“I’m very sorry. I’ll give you two some time alone. I’ll explain things to you when you’ve absorbed this.”

Leo walks out of the door leaving Atsumu to stare at the empty chair in front of him. The only sound in the room was a Newton’s pendulum swinging on the table and the soft hum of the air conditioning unit. Neither of them spoke for minutes, neither of them are able to wrap their heads around what just transpired. But then, it finally hit Atsumu, his tears began flowing, what were initially silent rivers flowing on his face, became painful sobs echoing through the white room.

Osamu was snapped from his reverie when the first sob came out of his brother’s mouth. He put his brother’s head in his neck, holding him there. He wanted to cry, to scream, to trash everything he could see, to say that the scan was wrong but he couldn't. He can’t lose Atsumu, but for now, he needed to be strong for him. He held his brother tightly as the other let out sob after sob of anguish not stopping until he has cried himself dry.

“I can’t believe ya were right.” Atsumu said as they were walking back.

“What?”

“Ya always told me back then that I had brain damage, who would’a thought ye were right.” And just like that, Osamu wanted to cry all over again.

“Ya know, six months ain’t too bad.” Atsumu said.

“Are you really sure that you’re fine going without treatment?” Osamu asked.

“Come on, ‘Samu. I’m already gonna die, I might as well live out my last few months doing somethin’ that I love instead of being locked in a hospital room waiting fer my death. Are _you_ sure thought?”

“Of course, I want ya around more. Yer annoyin’, ya steal my food, ya steal my clothes but yer still my brother.”

“Aw, yer gonna make me cry again ‘Samu.” Atsumu said sniffling despite his joking tone.

“Enough of that for now. Pack everything you need we’re going back home.” Osamu said when they reached Atsumu’s apartment complex.

===============

“Where were you?” Kiyoomi asked when Atsumu came through the door.

“I was out with ‘Samu, sorry I didn’t tell ya.” Atsumu replied.

“You couldn’t have even sent me a text to tell me?”

“I really am sorry, but can we please not do this now. I have a headache.” Atsumu said.

“Oh, okay then. Rest. I’m going out tonight then, don’t wait up for me.”

Atsumu wasn’t able to say anything else as Kiyoomi went into their room, presumably to change. He went into the kitchen to grab some pain relievers for his headache. Hearing the front door shut, he figured he was alone again. Atsumu didn’t know if his decision to not tell Kiyoomi was right, if he wanted to break up with him, he would. If that would make him happy, then Atsumu would let him be, he won’t use his illness to guilt trip Kiyoomi into staying with him if it didn’t make him happy.

He packed his clothes for the next few weeks that he will be spending their family, he wished, however, that it _would_ last a few weeks. Atsumu remained awake until dawn before Kiyoomi went home. He pretended that he was asleep as the other went to the bathroom to shower and get ready for bed. Kiyoomi then, did something unexpected. Just as he laid down, he slung his arm around Atsumu’s front, pulling him to his chest before whispering a soft “I love you”, promptly falling asleep after.

It was small things like these that reminded Atsumu of why he still holds on. It was hard loving Kiyoomi from afar, even more so loving him as his other half, but the other makes it worth it. And Atsumu couldn’t help but think that he’d be pretty sad in the afterlife just because Kiyoomi wasn’t with him. He loves him, he can’t survive without him, and he knows, he likes to say that he knows, that the feeling is mutual. So he keeps this to himself for now, he doesn’t want Kiyoomi to go through such anguish of seeing him deteriorate. He’ll go back home, spend a few weeks with his family, by the time he collapses, then Kiyoomi will know, or maybe he would have already left him. 

===============

Atsumu woke up to fingers on his face, gently tracing imaginary lines, as if mapping out countries on a globe. He opens his eyes and sees Kiyoomi smiling at him as if he were the most precious thing to have existed. The fingers never stop their venture as if it were their mission to explore each corner of his face.

“What are ya doin’?” Atsumu said groggily.

“Nothing.” Kiyoomi said, the smile never leaving his face.

“Yer scarin’me, d’ya know somethin’? Is someone gonna prank me?”

“I’m sorry.” Kiyoomi said instead.

“What for?” Atsumu asked bringing his hand to rest on the other’s cheek.

“I’ve been neglecting you lately, I forgot your birthday too. I’m so sorry. Let me make it up to you?” Kiyoomi replied nuzzling at the hand on his face.

“Ya don’t have ta make up fer anythin’ Omi, I understand.”

“Whatever I did in a past life was definitely worth it.” He said making Atsumu laugh.

“I love you, Atsu. And I’m sorry I never say it enough. Wakatoshi knocked some sense into me last night, I’m here to make up for it.”

“Like I said, ya don’t have to make up fer anythin’. But if yer really insistent, come back home with me? My parents miss us.” Atsumu said.

“Alright, how long are we staying with them?”

“A few weeks.” Atsumu replied trying not to sound obvious.

“They must have really missed you. What time do we leave then?” Kiyoomi asked pulling himself from the bed.

“‘round noon? ‘Samu said he’ll be here with Sunarin at around noon.”

“Alright, its nearing ten, take a shower and I’ll whip up something quick.” Kiyoomi said leaning in to kiss Atsumu’s forehead.

As he exits the room, Atsumu lets himself be trapped in the cocoon of false safety. For now, he imagines that they’re going home for the hell of it, that they missed their parents and that aloone was a reason enough. He imagines that they’re staying for a few weeks because it’s nearing New Year’s. He imagines that he’ll still get to see the New Year. He imagines, and that for now, is enough to distract him from the headache brewing in his head at a rate faster than his growing dread.

“Oi, Miya Atsumu!” he hears just as the door opens.

Atsumu was then tackled by Rintarou, who most likely already knows, hugging him in a way that he will never admit to ever doing. They whisper a few sentiments to each other before Rintarou lets go and follows Osamu to the kitchen. Inside the kitchen he finds Kiyoomi bowed at the waist in front of Osamu who had a stern look on his face with his arms crossed on his chest.

“Are ya aware of how many times ya made him cry?” Osamu asked.

“No. But I am sorry, I promised that I would care for him and I did the exact opposite. I’m trying to make up for everything I did now, I will also be coming home with you if you’ll have me.”

“If ‘Tsumu already said ya could come, I don’t see the problem with that. But don’t think that I’ve forgiven ya.” Osamu said.

“I wouldn’t dream of it.” Kiyoomi affirmed.

“Well, what are we waitin’ fer? Let’s go!” Atsumu screamed as he ran to get the suitcases from their room.

===============

It has been three weeks since they started staying at the twin’s house, they haven’t gone out much only to a few places to bond and such. The past weeks have been uneventful, but considering the reason why they were here, Atsumu was thankful for the lack of happenings. His parents have been informed of his condition the same day that the twins received the news, they asked Leo if he could be the one to break the news to them and tell them he did. Atsumu also asked that they stay quiet since he still hasn’t told Kiyoomi anything, respecting his decision, they agreed. Upon coming home he was given a tearful welcome, but nothing that can’t be hidden with the excuse that his parents merely missed him.

Nothing has happened, well, nothing that Atsumu deems that his family should worry about. Lately, however, he was beginning to get scared, the headaches were getting more and more frequent. Back then, they used to be separated by days with their intensity varying depending on how much he exerted himself, now, Atsumu felt as if he was in a constant state of headaches.

Things were going fine. Atsumu tried to tell himself. Things were fine. He thinks again as another bout of pain makes him wince. He feels faint, like he would pass out any moment now. He just wanted to lie down. Looking around he saw Kiyoomi who was talking to their mother under the shade of a tree in their backyard. Walking up to them, he could see that his mother accepts Kiyoomi wholeheartedly, he just hopes that even until he’s gone, they’d still treat him the same way.

“Hey, Omi. I’ll be headin’ to bed now okay? My head hurts a bit.” Atsumu said.

“Your head seems to be hurting a lot recently.” Kiyoomi said worrily his hand coming to rest on the other’s waist.

“I think I just need a new prescription then I’ll be good.” Atsumu replied.

“Alright, we’re goin’ to the doctor’s tomorrow. Don’t procrastinate on this, I won’t let you.” Atsumu’s mother said, knowing full well that such wasn’t the case.

“Come when yer tired ‘kay? Or if ya need anythin’ from me, but I’m sure my family’ll be happy ta help ya around.”

“I’ll be fine Atsu, rest. I’ll call you when it’s time for dinner.” Kiyoomi said, leaning up to kiss Atsumu on his lips.

“Alright I’ll be goin’ now.”

With the first step that Atsumu took, he knew something was wrong. His vision spun and he feels his legs give from under him. It was then that he didn’t know what was happening anymore, all he felt was pain, pain and pain. He could hear shouting but there was nothing he could do. His head felt like it was about to split open and try as he might, he couldn’t move or speak. The only thing he could think of was that this was the end, and Omi’s here, how would Omi react, what would Omi do.

Kiyoomi, on the other hand, has never known fear until Atsumu, for whatever reason, fell in front of him. However, instead of getting up, his entire body started to convulse, his eyes open by a few millimeters with only the white of his eyes visible, there was drool coming out of his mouth and Kiyoomi couldn’t do anything but stare in horror as the twin’s mother yelled for Osamu and their father. What was happening to him? He has never mentioned anything. Why is he convulsing like this? What made him like this?

===============

Atsumu woke up to the sound of beeping, as he opens his eyes, he was blinded by the harsh fluorescent light on the ceiling. He looks around and sees Kiyoomi slumped on the bed, one hand holding his and the other cushioning his head. Atsumu always though that Kiyoomi looked best under blue toned light, his light complexion, his dark eyes, his cold glare made it obvious that a cold undertone suited him best. Never did he think however, that he would be admiring his features under hospital lights. He began stroking the other’s hand gently using his thumb.

The movement caused Kiyoomi to wake up with a jolt, he looks around the room until his eyes land on Atsumu’s barely open ones. Atsumu could see the tears beginning to bead in the corners of his eyes. He brings his hand to the other’s cheek catching the tear that fell.

“Hey, don’t cry.” Atsumu said, his voice cracking from lack of use.

“You expect me not to cry. Stage four, Atsumu. How could you keep this from me?” Kiyoomi said, his tears not stopping.

“Didn’t want ya to worry. Didn’t want ya to stay with me just cause I’m sick.”

“What do you mean?” Kiyoomi asked.

“I thought ya didn’t love me anymore. Ya forgot our anniversary, ya forgot my birthday. I thought ya were just waitin’ fer the perfect time to break up with me.” Atsumu said.

“No, no, Atsu no. I…”

“Ya don’t hav’ta lie Omi.”

“No, I’m not lying I promise. I’m really sorry for what I did, I genuinely am. But there’s a reason why I did that. I was planning something. I was supposed to give it to you this Christmas. I’m so sorry I made you doubt, my love. I’m sorry I made you think that I didn’t love you anymore.” Kiyoomi said.

“What were ya plannin’ then Omi. Seems like I won’t be here fer long, might as well get it over with.” Atsumu said laughing breathlessly.

“I’ve been carrying it on me since you collapsed. I told myself that the moment you wake up, I’ll give it to you.”

“What have ya been doin’ anyway, ya did that shit fer months.” Atsumu asked.

“I went around asking lawyers about something.” Kiyoomi said, standing up to get something from the other side of the room.

As he sits back down, Atsumu could see that he has an envelope with him and a small black velvet box. Atsumu’s breath hitched, this couldn’t be what he thought it was, could it? Kiyoomi took a few pieces of paper from the envelope and handed them to him.

“ _Certificate of Marriage_ ” it read at the top of the document. He was speechless. All those nights he spent doubting his boyfriend’s love, his fidelity, and here he was, holding a piece of paper that proved the exact opposite of that. He looked to Kiyoomi who was now down on a single knee next to his hospital bed, looking at him intently. Kiyoomi opened his mouth to say something but Atsumu cut him off.

“Yes.” Atsumu said, no hesitation, no second thoughts, no doubts and no other intent. This is the man he will love until his last breath.

“And after I prepared a speech and all that?” Kiyoomi joked.

“I’ll hear the speech later, but first give me a pen; I’m signin’ this now.” Atsumu said making Kiyoomi laugh.

“You’re not even going to read what it says?”

“I’ve read the top now give me the pen.” He said but read over it anyway.

Once handed a pen, he signed his signature, or a squiggle which he hopes can pass for his signature because of his muscle spasms. Handing the pen and certificate back to Kiyoomi, he opened the box and took one of the rings out.

“I guess, I have to put the wedding vows and the proposal in a single message, don’t I? Well, here it goes. Atsumu, when I first met you, admittedly, the first thing that came to my mind was that you were the very definition of an asshole. You’re a jerk to everyone around you, you pick on other people for the hell of it, you provoke your opponents just to see if they can play against you better. Getting to know you wasn’t any better, you’re still provocative, your humor is still as sharp, you still insult others just to get a rise out of people, but I guess that was what made me interested in you. Not many people would insult me so carelessly, not many would even dare to make petty arguments with me, but there you come, with every year that we spend in training camp together, you manage to get on my nerves.

“Coming into professional volleyball, I didn’t expect anything to happen, but of course, you just _had_ to change that. You just _had_ to spill your coffee on me the first time we meet in a span of several years. You just _had_ to make things worse by proving that you didn’t change one bit, and that you’re still the same jerk that you were just with better hair. I then find myself falling for you, in hindsight, maybe I did like you back then, but that’s not important now.

“Despite not changing in many ways, I think seeing you in a different light was one of the best things that happened to me. When I began to fall for you I thought I was confused, I thought that it wasn’t possible, so I decided to ignore it. However, you being you, the always unpredictable variable in all my equations, mess it up by stealing my first kiss. Do you remember that?” Atsumu nodded.

“You were so drunk that you just started cursing me for being to cute for you and that you just wanted to kiss me. I wanted to confirm my feelings for you, so I let you. It was then that I knew that I did love you. I distanced myself from you but that didn’t deter you in the slightest, hell you even asked me out, several times, might I add. And saying yes was one of the greatest things that has happened in my life. I have never met anyone that can infuriate me yet make me smitten at the same time.

“When we started dating, you did all the work, you arranged our dates, you courted me, you gave me gifts, you spoiled me, so I figured that for the rest of our lives, I’d do it for you. I’ll service you, I’ll cook for you, I’ll take you out, I’ll give you gifts, I’ll spoil you and even if you’ve been my boyfriend for five, ten, fifteen years, I’ll court you every day. I want to say that I’ve succeeded, but I haven’t. I made you doubt me, I made you doubt yourself, and that is something that I always hated you doing. Because you’re wonderful Atsumu, so, so wonderful, so beautiful, so ethereal, and even until now I can’t believe you’re mine.

“I don’t care if you die, I don’t care how long it will be until you’re gone from my life, I don’t care how long it has been since the day you die, it won’t change that I love you. So please, wear this ring, as a sign of my love, my unwavering fidelity, and I say all this with utmost sincerity. You may be gone one day, but please, let me take your name, so that no matter what happens, no matter how time passes, I will be yours as much as you are mine.”

“Miya Kiyoomi. Does have a nice ring to it doesn’t it?” Atsumu asked wiping away at both their tears. Kiyoomi takes his left hand and slips the ring on his ring finger. It was a simple gold ring with the single streak of matte black along the middle of the ring.

“What's with the black?” Instead of answering, Kiyoomi took the other ring from the box showing it to him. It was a matte black ring with a single streak of gold.

“A reminder, that you’re always with me and that I’m always with you.”

“Curse ya fer makin’ me cry then, Omi. Fuck, I love you so much.” Atsumu sniffled.

“I love you too.”

“I really don’t have the brain capacity in me right now, but please, know that I love ya, more than anythin’. I didn’t want to tell ya anythin’ because I thought that you weren’t happy with me anymore. I didn’t want that, I want ya to be happy and if that’s with someone who’s not me, then I’ll gladly let ya go. Ya say that I’m the plan wrecker, well newsflash Omi, yer a bigger one than I am. I was s’pposed to keep this ‘tween myself and my family, ya weren’t s’pposed to know, ‘cause I didn’t want ya stayin’ just ‘cause yer guilty. Yer happiness has always been my priority Omi, I promised myself that I won’t hurt ya. I just hope ya know that.”

“I know, Atsu, trust me, I know.”

“I’ll never do anythin’ to make ya sad.”

“I know.”

“So I’m sorry that I can’t keep my promise right now.”

The dam broke. Kiyoomi let out sob after sob as he held Atsumu tight fearing that if he lets go the other would be gone. After a few minutes, he calmed down, he pulled his head from where it was resting on Atsumu’s stomach and looked at his lover, his only lover and his only love.

“It would’ve made thin’s so much easier if ya didn’t love me anymore Omi. So that I won’t have to worry about yer happiness when I leave ya. But thank ya, thank ya fer lettin’ me be selfish one last time, fer lovin’ me even until now and fer lettin’ me love ya. Be happy please? I don’t care with what circumstance ya see yerself happy, just please? So I can at least brag to people in the afterlife that I did somethin’ meaningful in my life.”

Atsumu took the ring from Kiyoomi’s hand and slipped it into his finger. They spent the rest of the day reminiscing of their time in high school, of their bickering, of their insults, of their arguments, but most importantly whatever those arguments held. They now look back at the annoyance and anger they felt with fondness. It was what brought them together and damn are they grateful for it. Kiyoomi was called just as visiting hours had finished, they promised each other that they would see each other tomorrow again, that Atsumu would kiss his moles again, that Kiyoomi could feed him again, that tomorrow was another day for them.

That night, at 1:52, Miya Atsumu died. They didn’t get their happy ending, not in this lifetime, but Kiyoomi figured that maybe his love for Atsumu was too great for a single lifetime. He cried, he screamed, he sobbed, he thrashed, but nothing could bring Atsumu back. Their time right now may not have ended too well, but he knows for sure, in the previous lifetime, in the next lifetime, and in every other lifetime, Kiyoomi was Atsumu’s and Atsumu was Kiyoomi’s, he believed that. All he could do now, was pray to every deity that he knew that fate be kind to them a different time around, in a lifetime when they can love each other fully, unabashedly and unhindered by everything else.

**Author's Note:**

> I was on the verge of a breakdown cause of uni so I wrote this to cope. Apparently, writing is now my coping mechanism lol
> 
> Please comment what you think and cry with me in the comments section  
> Until next time ..V.


End file.
